Monday night, Kate and I had the displeasure of watching Bravo’s new hopefully-won’t-make-it-as-a “hit” show, Gallery Girls. Bravo describes the show as “[The following of] seven young twenty-somethings who dream of a chic & fashion life in the New York City art world. With polar opposite views on everything from fashion to men to socializing, “Gallery Girls” puts an entertaining spin on the NYC coming-of-age story (a la the “gallerina” tradition of Sex and The City, Girls etc.).” [sic]
To see how we described it, you’ll have to continue reading after the jump.
First, however, let’s introduce you to what we’re sure are to become New York City and the “art world”‘s most hated women:
Chantal Chadwick is a Brooklynite transplanted from Atlanta, Georgia. She has poorly cut hair, wears a lot of black, doesn’t seem to bathe often, and has absolutely no sense of responsibility. In the first episode, she’s most known for spurting out lines like, “If this whole ~art thing~ doesn’t work out, I’ll just build a raft and float to Cuba…and chiiiiiill.” Chantal is borderline psychotic.
Kerri Lisa is a native New Yorker who will do two things: Impress you buy being able to do some grunt work — i.e.: help lift a large mattress and put her own apartment together & dress like a Grizzly Bear in heels. She prides herself on telling people that she was brought middle class and is now a “concierge” for the wealthy art crowd. So…she’s their butler. Welcome, Kerri Lisa! We love your stripper name!
Liz Margulies is what makes this show a bad Skrillex mashup of The Hills and The Real Housewives of NYC. She will, undoubtedly, make every person alive roll their eyes when she exclaims that the only “work” she wants to do, is sit behind a desk, play with her iPhone, and maybe — just maybe — answer the phone a few times. MAYBE. Liz also prides herself on having gotten the “job” [read: internship where she bosses everyone around and acts like a queen bitch] because her father is a famous art collector. You’re really somebody, Liz! Wait, no..you’re not.
Claudia Martinez hails from Illinois and also doesn’t wash her hair very frequently. Bravo tells us she’s the daughter of a butcher and a cardiologist and that her parents loaned her $15 thousand dollars so that she could “try” owning an art gallery/boutique. Claudia is constantly nervous and looks like she may not sleep much because she’s always worrying about money. We get that, girl. But isn’t that what you get for saying “best friends first, business second”? We’re a little afraid for you, Claudia.
Angela Pham likes to show her breasts to anyone with eyeballs (I’m just going to throw it out there that they’re kind of awkward. Just saying. Moving on). She’s a freelance photographer from Williamsburg (natch) witha penchant for asking anyone/everyone around her if she’s “dressed too slutty”; her parents are both doctors and mad that she’s no one. Okay. Don’t they know how important and artsy she is?! She has someone do her makeup for her. And her hair. And she won’t really “date” anyone, but likes everyone (men, especially) pay all of their attention to her because, HELLO. ANGELA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. No one really understands her role in the “art world” (outside of photography), because Angela seems insanely lost.
Amy Poliakoff is what we like to call a Hot Fucking Mess. Sure, she’s basically the only one who is oozing with art experience (read: a million internships that she never gets paid for), but she’s also the resident drunk of the gang who likes to say things like, “Oh my god, Liz. I’m seriously so intoxicated right now.” Congratulations, Amy. You’re pretty much our favorite and definitely didn’t get enough airtime Monday night.
Maggie Schaffer is a girls who was left a lot of money by a relative who worked for DuPont. She starts off the show with an internship at Eli Klein Fine Art and then, midway, lets us know that Eli was “mean” to her and “really only owns a gallery so that he can fill it with hot women who can do things for him”. So she just…stops showing up to work. Three weeks later (three minutes and two commercials, if you’re watching) she’s back and expressing how she hopes Eli will give her her job/internship back because she needs his reference. Money can’t buy you class or a sense of responsibility, Maggie. Have you met Chantel?? (Spoiler: She has and she hates Chantal & Claudia.)
These are our girls. Here’s our…reaction:
Kate: Oh God.
I sort of hate this already.
Alex: I AM ALREADY DYING.
Kate: These girls are the ultimate in unlikable.
Alex: Three “Sex & The City references already,” and it hasn’t even started.
Kate: “WHY WOULD I LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE?”
Alex: “I don’t come from money”
Kate: Then who pays for all that eyeliner?
This interviewer just said “You don’t speak Chinese.” Wait, what?
What sort of job is she applying for…?
Alex: So, wait… speaking Chinese is mandatory to work in the art world?
Kate: Oh good, that was just a discombobulated intro.
Alex: Okay this is going to be ridiculous.
It’s like “The Hills” meets NYC in the worst way
Kate: Hahaha YES.
This opener with Angela being photographed is very ANTM. Remember Sheena? The sort-of-skanky Asian?
“I am obsessed with men”
Well, like, congratulations. Welcome to being a heterosexual woman, you dumbass.
Kate: Hey, I just met you, & this is crazy, but here’s my body, draw me maybe,
Alex: Carly Rae does “Gallery Girls”
Kate: I think they’re trying to frame this blonde as the “normal” one.
Middle class! Moving my own mattress!
Alex: She moves her own mattresses! Look how normal she is!
Kate: Bahaha right
Her mom’s wearing a turtleneck, so I actually buy the middle class shtick.
But “Personal concierge to really wealthy people” = BUTLER
Alex: Normal girls flounce onto mattresses!
Alex: Oh god, this girl Liz is the overly spoiled one.
Kate: “Normal girls … work internships for free” – while taking bubble baths on the Upper East Side, where you definitely cannot LIVE for free.
Alex: You can’t live anywhere in New York for free!
Kate: And Chantal. Bet she’s the Brooklyn one.
Alex: “We like to wipe wooden floors with tissues! Art!”
Kate: I like that this montage is in pastel sepia tones.
Does this indicate flashbacks or grunge?
Because I spy a Mini Cooper in the background, so…
Alex: Kate, that’s what happens with a hybrid gallery. Duh.
God, could Chantal’s earrings be any longer?
Kate: I’m ready to strange myself with one of her earrings.
Alex: When was the last time they all washed their hair?
Kate: This is totally ruining the magic of hipster. Is this the sort of work that goes into being artsy? I totally believed it this whole time hipsters & artsy folk were putting off IDGAF vibes. I thought theywere effortless.
Alex: Oh, God, they’re all going to hate each other. So this is, essentially, a hybrid of The Hills & RHONYC + “up & coming” art galleries
Kate: But wearing a lot more black & taking a lot fewer showers.
Oh, Liz. “I got the job because of my dad” Okay
Brag brag brag brag
Kate: “Bulleted list of designers you may or may not have heard of, punctuated by dollar signs”
Alex: I won’t do work because of my outfit.
Kate: “I don’t have to lift anything heavy, right?” Man, she’s gonna be so confused by the mattress-lifting chick.
Kate: Wait, what is she actually doing at this job?
Most demanding intern ever.
Alex: WOW. “I will do anything that involves me doing nothing”
Kate: “I will do anything that involves getting coffee for myself while also, I guess, getting one for you, & filing my nails for the rest of the day.”
Kate: Oooh, “emerging.” I feel like this is a key word for this show.
Alex: This show is going to make me hate art.
Kate: Her grandfather… founded Dupont? The paint company?
And SHE’S BEEN AN INTERN FOR THREE YEARS
Alex: THREE YEARS
Kate: That’s something rich people can do – especially if they’re not DOING anything.
Alex: Jesus. “I left work for a couple of weeks. My boss was too mean”
Kate: Haha, her boss is “hard to work for” because… he asks her to stir the Equals INTO the coffee.
Alex: HAHAH, yeah – can’t just dump them in
Also, did Maggie just say that she stopped showing up for work?
Alex: Yeah! He was mean to her so she just stopped showing up
For like three weeks
Kate: I thought she, like, took a vacation.
But she just STOPPED COMING, which is definitely something real people do.
Alex: She seems the most normal except for the fact that she has a weird inheritence.
Kate: The Dupont girl? The one who stopped coming to work?
Don’t call her normal!
Alex: I mean, none of them are really normal!
They’re all batshit!
Kate: I hate art right NOW.
This is the opposite of “starving artist.”
Alex: I know! This shows the art world in the absolute worst light.
Kate: There are dudes spraying masterpieces onto brick walls in the ‘hood.
And these girls are… they don’t MAKE art, do they? They just, like, stand around it?
Alex: I think so – which then brings me to the question of WHAT is the point of this show?
Kate: Ding, ding, ding.
Kate: Wait, who’s this grungy dude lurking in the background?
He looks way too dirty for them to know.
Alex: GOD I DON’T EVEN KNOW
And is this one girl just not fixing her dress? With a massive hole in the side of it?
Alex: Yep. That’s artsy, Kate.
Kate: “There’s a very mixed group of people here” means, “THERE ARE POOR PEOPLE HERE.”
Alex: I hate the art world
Kate: “New York City is pretty liberating.” Also liberating: Not having a real job.
Spare time is liberating! Inheritances are liberating!
This girl is borderline crying that her old boss hired a new intern to replace her when she walked out of her internship.
Alex: You can’t just walk out of a job and expect it to just BE there when you’re “ready” to come back.
Kate: Oh, the Asian girl is super-mean.
Alex: Ugh, this Asian girl is so bitchy
Kate: She basically just set that blonde girl up.
Alex: She’s, like, the epitome of a mean girl!
Kate: “You look like you’re from Orange County… because people from there are super-lame.”
I’m confused by Eli’s hair.
Does he have a fade?
Alex: Yeah — he’s super fucking gross
Kate: (I can say that because I’m Jewish.)
Alex: He reminds me of a really bad Ari Gold
Kate: Oh, one of them is from Ohio. So I have to try harder to like her.
Alex: Amy is going to easily be my favorite for this one time I watch this, simply for the fact that she is a HOT. MESS.
Kate: Wait, which one is she? I don’t know anyone’s names.
There’s Dupont inheritance didn’t-show-up-for-work girl from Ohio, the mean Asian, the girl with the eyebrows, the one who pushed the mattress…
Is the middle-class girl who pushed the mattress also the blonde from Miami?
Alex: Amy is the other blonde
Kate: Oh, the drunk who compliments people.
With the frontal Alfalfa hair
Alex: Wait is she bragging about sleeping with Eli?
Kate: She has a Muppet voice. But I like her only because she seems to secretly loathe all of these people.
Alex: We should be keeping count on how many times this Asian girl flashes everyone her tits
Who is TOO COOL FOR DATING
Kate: “The term date is obsolete… because I don’t want to have to say he dumped me.”
It should also be noted that the dude she;s on the non-date with looks like he’s straight out of Saved By the Bell.
Alex: Screech status
God, these women are awful
Kate: Do men like women like this? What sort of men do these godawful women end up with?
Kate: Chantal’s hat is unbearable. You are not an old black woman in church.
No one is hip enough for that who’s not an old black woman in church.
Alex: This isn’t the Kentucky Derby.
Kate: Amy did not get nearly drunk enough for my viewing enjoyment.
(That’s something pervs say. Ack.)
Alex: I KNOW. On both parts!
Is that… is that a fur?
And compared to this tiny woman she’s speaking with, she just looks like a grizzly bear in high heels.
Alex: FUR ON FUR
OKAY BUT WHY
Kate: How old is she? Because sometimes she looks like she’s 20, & sometimes she looks old as fuck.
Meanwhile, Amy is looking oddly Chloe Sevigny-esque & wearing a very sensible, Midwestern-style blazer that probably costs the same as my rent.
Alex: I agree. They have to be all in their early twenties.
Kate: I cannot, in good conscience, watch a TV show about women who are almost 30 & working at internships BY CHOICE.
Alex: YOU CANNOT EXPECT EVERYONE TO BE SUPPORTING THEMSELVES AT 16, CHANTAL.
Seriously, why are we not keeping track of this Asian girl showing her boobs.
It’s too much.
Alex: Eyelash extensions, ohmygod
Kate: “I’m really into taking care of myself” sounds like something you say when you’re NOT into taking care of yourself & want to convince yourself that you are.
Alex: I gotta be honest, if those weren’t so expensive, I’d try them. They’re supposed to eliminate the need for mascara and i LOVE that.
Kate: I was just thinking that. I’m so embarrassed.
Also, I feel bad for this woman, who owns an art gallery:
I can just imagine how people who actually make art and work their asses off in the art world are going to react to this
Like, the uproar that Bravo is going to cause
SHE SLEPT WITH HIM. MAGGIE TOTALLY SLEPT WITH ELI
WHY IS EVERYONE BANGING HIM? HE’S OILY.
Kate: Not only is he oily, he has a trash ‘stache like he’s a Hispanic 12-year-old.
Maybe that shouldn’t make it into print.
Oh, Maggie, the best way to get your “job” back is definitely by asking like a snooty bitch.
Alex: “I can’t keep working for free for you”
“But let’s still fuck, okay?”
Kate: “I can’t just keep doing these internships for you,” with the emphasis on “internships,” somehow sounds like a euphemism.
Alex: “I’VE BEEN HERE FOR THREE YEARS.”
Kate: Why is she crying? What am I missing?
Alex: Eli basically doesn’t want her as an intern anymore? God, I really don’t know.
Kate: Well, he’s sleeping with Amy now.
And Liz is getting his coffee. She’s probably an adequate Equal stirrer.
Alex: Chantal is SUCH psycho.
Kate: Of course her boyfriend Spencer is acting as window-washer for their “hybrid gallery” opening.
Alex: Of course.
Everything is a non date with the Asian girl
Kate: I’m so confused when Angela puts her hair up & puts makeup on. She looks like a totally different person.
That’s her name, BTW. Angela.
Alex: Wait…Why does she have people doing her makeup?
Can she not do her own makeup?
STOP SHOWING PEOPLE YOUR BOOBS, ANGELA.
Kate: She says that her friends say she dresses “high-concept” – and then the camera immediately cuts to one of those same friends telling her she looks like a Moulin Rouge girl.
Alex: If you have to ask if you look too slutty, you look too slutty.
Kate: Hahahaha YES
And really, Bravo? We’ve reached a place where we don’t censor conversations about “fat pussies”?
Kate: This show is everything people hate about New York.
“You LIKE the Lower East Side!?”
Like, how dare he?
Kate: Oh, this is getting weird.
Alex: REALLY weird, right?
Kate: Are they accusing them of having broey boyfriends instead of slender girlyman boyfriends?
Because… weird. Just weird.
Alex: I think so – which, why does that matter at all!?
Kate: How is that the meanest thing they can think of? “Your boyfriend’s shoulders are too broad!”
Alex: All of these women are so morbid and catty
Also, I kind of feel bad for this girl who owes her family $15. Clearly, she’s not as aloof about money and she’s having like..a complete breakdown
Kate: Haha, she wishes she only owed them $15 & not $15k. That’s brutal.
It’s so unsettling that the other girl is like, “Why are you stressed? This is fun! Stand around looking waiflike with me!”
Alex: I know!!!! That’s so insane!
Like, every part of that. I would be flipping shit on them
Kate: Also there are so many ads for “Sparkle” during this show, which looks a LOT like “Glitter,” but you know people feel bad saying so because Whitney, like, died while making it.
Alex: I know
OHHHKAY, Angela is also a photographer and her “shooting” this party means just waving her camera around
Kate: Is she at the same party as everyone else?
WHAT DID CHANTAL JUST SAY
A RAFT TO CUBA?!
Kate: Chantal’s sense of humor is so weird. Is this funny?
Is she on coke & this is a secret episode of “Girls” that I missed?
Alex: Oh gosh, I hate all of them
WHERE IS MARNIE
Kate: Claudia might be Marnie.
(Claudia is the one who owes $15k)
Alex: Maggie is totally Hannah
Angela is Jessa
Amy is Shoshannah
Kate: Maggie is like Hannah but really sadddd.
Kate: Oh, I almost want to see one of these dudes call Angela a maneater next week.
Alex: Okay. I can never watch this show again.
Kate: I MIGHT HAVE TO.
Only because I want to make sure Claudia doesn’t try to drown herself in paint & chiffon.
Alex: OH GOD
NOW I MIGHT TOO
I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU
Kate: I should’ve known that I was going to hate any show that started with a waifish pixie wearing seven pounds of black eyeliner speaking the line, “New York City is the only city I would live in. Why would I ever live anywhere else?” Don’t get me wrong, I love me some NYC – I’m trying to move there myself, even! – but shows like this are the reason people hate the city. And rich people. And pretty girls. Basically, this show is a walking stereotype. I want to like it because… New York! Rich people! Pretty girls! But if I want those things, I’ll go back to watching “Gossip Girl,” where at least I can lie to myself & pretend like real-life people are nowhere near as awful as the characters on my screen. Alas, “Gallery Girls” does not afford me the luxury of that lie.
Alex: I think, at the end of the day, this show is just…really bad. Now, I will say that it has the potential to be something I watch as a guilty pleasure when it’s on and I’m sick or bored. But I won’t be going out of my way to watch and see what happens to Angela or if Claudia ever gets to pay her parents back. These girls are the epitome of girls who can’t get along with other girls because they’re so wrapped up in themselves. It’s sad and, honestly, casts an extremely dim shadow on women who are trying to do something different and make it in a cutthroat world of art, entertainment, and fashion. Bad job on your part, Bravo.
The end. We promise we’ll never make you think you want to watch this again.
Please remember that this is an opinion post, we encourage you to watch the show and make your own decisions . Opinions are our own and no-one elses!