Ugh. Where to start this week? It’s only Tuesday and, already, I want to crawl into bed and wait until Friday is here.
I was fully prepared to talk about Sunday’s Game of Thrones and how I, obviously, haven’t been watching very closely because there’s so much that people are telling me about now and it just all makes so much sense! However, here we are. It’s Tuesday. And, instead, I’m talking to you about what everyone else won’t shut their stupid mouths about: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.
Can we all first collectively agree that this whole “relationship” is 100% annoying and remind Kim that she isn’t even divorced yet? Push the brakes on your libido for a minute, woman! I mean, I get it: Kanye’s…Kanye. He’s a huge star, has had two successful albums in the past two years, is best friends with Jay-Z & our Queen of Hip-Hop and all things good, Beyonce, and hasn’t had to worry about being ostracized for jumping on the stage to interrupt a pretty white girl, lately. That’s great! Total boyfriend material! Moms all around will be rejoicing for you to bring him home for dinner and a quick meet & greet!
As so many (here’s lookin’ at you, Matt & Gab) pointed out, things drive both of these narcissistic human beings (I wanted to add creative to that, but I have absolutely zero nice things to say about Kim Slutdashian and it wouldn’t apply to her, so just know I think really great things of Ye outside of his relationship choices)–Kim sees herself as a “thing” to be caught, much like the common sexually transmitted disease! Kanye, on the other hand, just likes things–minks, cars, your undivided attention, and women. But, assuming that all of this isn’t merely a publicity stunt to get the bitter sweet name of Kardashian on everyone’s lips and West’s lyrics in the empty minds of America, I really question if the world is ready for what this relationship will bring.
I’m predicting at least one of the following comes out of all of this:
- The cards being dealt in Humphrie’s favor & Kim being shown as the publicity monkey she is
- A sex tape Ron Jeremy wouldn’t even want to see/produce/think about
- A new Kanye album (hopefully all slamming Kim K.)
- Another season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians ft. Kanye West in which Kanye appears out of nowhere, promises he going to let Kris Jenner finish, and then tells her that their show is the worst of all time. It’s all very original and Bravo has probably already filmed it. There’s probably already a scene of Kim in the confessional saying something like, “I jest…I jest dooon’t understand why no man will ever love me for me”. Fake tears then roll down her cheeks and we all get to be reminded of how we should go outside and rollerblade or something.
JUST YOU GUYS WAIT!
It all boils down to this: No one will ever love Kim as much as Kim, and no one will EVER love Kanye as much as–you guessed it–Kanye. It’s a match made in egotistical hell and I, for one, and so excited to see it over and done with.