Miles to Motherhood: Up All Night

I was fully prepared to introduce myself and my 2 month old son with a snooty post about how he is basically the best baby in the world.  Right when he became 5 weeks old, he started sleeping through the night in his own crib.  I obviously took full responsibility for his behavior and began to walk around with a quiet air of superiority. My baby was a total bad ass.Yeah. My baby?  Is a kind ofan asshole.There are many ways I prepared to be a mama.  I researched playpens and car seats ad nauseum.  I read books on breast feeding, child development, and how to ensure my kid wouldn’t be the smelly kid eating paste the first day of kindergarten.  When he was five weeks old I started him on a sleep routine that was working great.  It goes a little something like this:

• Between 6pm-7pm we have a family dance party to the Toddler Radio channel on Pandora.  (This makes up for any and all lost bonding time we might have experienced when I placed him under his activity gym to play solo while I peed.)
• Then Miles takes a bath while we tell him how perfect and good looking he is.
• Next comes baby massage time in his dimly lit room while melodious lullabies play.
• Miles is then plopped into clean pajamas, eats, and is plopped in his crib drowsy but not asleep.
• He then proceeds to fall asleep on his own while my husband and I drink a beer and high-five each other on hitting the procreation jackpot.

On New Years Eve I made some fancy plans that relied heavily on Miles’ sleep schedule.  He would go to sleep between 7pm-8pm, wake once at 1:30am to eat, and be right back in his crib sleeping until morning.  I diligently pumped enough for his night feeding and sent the Hubs to the store for some champagne.  We were going to do New Years right!  We were going to be care free and get a little tipsy while watching Justin Bieber perform on live telecast (Sidenote:  Was it just me or was every single NYE broadcast heinously bad this year?)  All was great and fantastic.  I drank my champagne, rang in the new year, and was fast asleep in my bed by 12:30am.

Then Miles woke up at 1am.

Again at 3am.

4:30am.

6am.

7:30am, and wide awake.

No amount of coffee was going to make this ok.

Meet Miles.  My little shithead.