Certain questions/statements are annoying when you’re pregnant:
Wow you’re so big/small!
- Great, now I’m concerned that the baby isn’t growing well, or I’m getting fatter than I need to be.
You look tired.
- Thanks jerk.
Make sure you sleep now, because you won’t when the baby comes!
- (If you could bank sleep, this statement would totally make sense. But since you can’t – NOT HELPFUL.)
And so on. And I hate to say it, but the random/annoying comments don’t stop once you have had the baby. I’ve only been a parent for a few short months, but here are some things that I believe you should never ask or say to a new parent.
You look tired.
- Yeah. This applies when the baby is here too. We know we’re tired. We know we’re not sleeping well. We don’t need to hear it, thanks.
Are you sure the baby isn’t colicky/jaundiced/[insert other affliction here]?
- I’m sure the questioning is meant to be helpful if my baby is fussy, looks yellow, or whatever, but if we say no, because we’ve already seen the doctor or the baby is just being fussy, don’t push it. It makes us feel insecure in our parenting and that doesn’t make us feel all warm and fuzzy towards you.
You shouldn’t hold the baby so much. They’ll get “arm spoiled”.
- Umm what? I’m sorry, I don’t think you can EVER hold a baby too much.
Are you going back to work? Oh that’s too bad.
- Why is it too bad? Because I can’t or don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom? There’s nothing wrong with that choice, but don’t assume that it’s a bad thing that I’m going back to work. It’s different for every mother, please don’t assume.
Are you breastfeeding?
- This is a big one for me, I’ve had STRANGERS ask me this question, and then say “Oh, good” when I tell them yes. What I should really be telling them is that it’s none of their business. What if I couldn’t breastfeed for whatever reason? What if I chose not to? Would I get judged then? Unless you’re close family or friends, I wouldn’t ask a mother this question.
That’s my PSA as a new mom. If you don’t want to upset/annoy a new mother, or maybe just me, lay off the above list. Any of you moms out there – would you add anything to this list?
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I think “arm spoiling” is a GOOD thing!! Especially by others. I have two sets of friends – one lets people hold her daughter whenever, she was exposed to lots of people; the other was the opposite and now their baby acts like a snob around others (its true, LOL!)
I am of the “you can never hold a baby too much” camp, obviously.
My
sister-in-law knows someone who doesn’t let ANYONE hold their baby – and
they barely hold it either, because they don’t want the baby getting
used to being held when the mom goes back to work. WHAT? I think that’s
just cruel, to be honest. Babies are meant for holding!
Yes! Exactly! And before we know it, our babies will be big kids who don’t WANT to be held.
Hold ‘em why you can, I say!