Hello good people of the internet! Welcome to What Would You Do?! It’s kind of like that City High song, but way less depressing. You send in questions — I answer them.
Today’s question comes from the comments of last week’s post. Great idea, commenter. New rule: questions can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org OR left in the comments on any WWYD post. I also accept delivery by carrier pigeon or mule. Time for the question — let’s get it on!
Advice: what do I do when the people who are good for me aren’t the ones I am choosing? I see what qualities make someone a good mate, but why can’t I find those in someone who ALSO gives me that special feeling of ease inside? Can feelings grow, can it be as simple as pick someone good and then spend a lot of time with them and love will follow? Or follow my heart down the road of heartbreak (I suck at picking people who will follow through by being consistent, loving, faithful, etc.). What do you think?
As the incomparable Jordin Sparks said best, “Why does love always feel like a battlefield?”
For the sake of this question, I’m going to assume you’re a girl seeking a guy. This question just sounds like it came from a lady in need of guidance. If I’m wrong and you’re a guy, you sound nice and sensitive and should probably take me out on a date. Now, on to your question.
Let’s clarify one thing first — by “special feeling of ease inside,” do you really mean “special feeling of ease to slide into your vagina?” Because if not, I have no idea what this special ease you speak of is. Do you really feel more comfortable around guys who don’t seem to be into you? Is it because these jerkbags are just plain hot? Or funny? Because I promise you that nice guys can be all of these things… you just may have to look a little harder and not just settle for the first douchebag who seals the deal and doesn’t leave his number. On top of not leaving you in a miserable crying mess, nice guys who are actually fond of you are usually more fun to sleep with. Maybe not at first, but at least they’ll try hard, listen to what you want, and won’t pretend to “accidentally” slip it in your butt.
My first piece of advice is to stop dating assholes. Period. How do you tell which ones are assholes, you ask? If a guy stands you up for a date or makes you wait more than 30 minutes without apologizing, don’t agree to go out with him again, however desperate you are for him to be Mr. Right. If a guy doesn’t text or email you back for a week, don’t agree to go out with him again, however much you want to marry him. If a guy backhandedly insults you to get you to like him or implies he’d be a challenge to get to settle down, don’t go out with him at all, even if you’ve already photoshopped your unborn children’s Christmas portraits. I completely agree that juiceboxes are usually much more charming up front than nice guys, but that shit gets old quick.
Go rent Bridesmaids and put all the guys you meet in two categories: is he a Ted (Jon Hamm) or Officer Rhodes (Chris O’Dowd)? If he is a Jon Hamm, aka someone who kicks you out of bed in the middle of the night, refuses to go to a wedding with you after banging you multiple times, or pretends to drive his car with his penis, run the other way. If he’s an Officer Rhodes, aka an adorable cop with an awesome accent who lets you “shoot his radar gun,” makes you laugh, and creepily watches you while you sleep, he’s a keeper.
Have you tried online dating? Or how about starting a relationship with someone you meet on twitter? This is a great way to test out the “can love grow” question. The nice thing about meeting someone online is that you can get to know them as much as you want before you actually hang out with them in person. This should give you plenty of time to develop that “feeling of ease” you referred to and, as a bonus, cybering is totally in right now. Sometimes though, no matter how nice a guy is or how “right” for you he seems, the chemistry won’t be there. Them’s the breaks, kid.
If you’re not keen on the whole online romance thing, do this for me — the next time you’re out at a bar, find a nice guy and just ask him out. Maybe get drunk first. This way if he says no, you won’t be embarrassed. Also, if you do stupid stuff in front of him that first night, you can totally blame it on the 10 tequila shots you had.
I should probably also clarify that I’m single as crap and once hooked up with someone even though they refused to buy my ticket for the movie date they invited me on. No judgement here. But I promise you’ll be happier in the long run if you stop taking crap from these jerks and find someone who genuinely wants to be with you and treat you right. Good luck and god speed.
Last week, WWYD: Still in Love
About the column:
I, Maxie, am a 25-year-old lady living in Washington, DC, and I am here to give you some fabulous advice. Got a problem that you can’t post on your own blog? Send it to me. Boy in your life being weird? Roommate being super sketchy? Falling in love with your boss? Want to make out with your cat? Send in the details of your situation and I promise to do extensive google searching, if I don’t already know how to fix your problem… except for the cat thing. That’s just creepy. If google doesn’t know the answer, I’ll just make something up. Now, doesn’t that sound fun!? I give no guarantees on the validity of what I dole out, but I still STRONGLY encourage you to send any and all of your questions (or hopes and dreams, whatever) to email@example.com or leave a comment on this post with them!