Hello good people of the internet! Welcome to What Would You Do?! It’s kind of like that City High song, but way less depressing. You send in questions — I answer them. Questions can be sent to email@example.com OR left in the comments of any WWYD post. I also accept delivery by singing telegram or burro. Time for this week’s question — let’s get it on!
I’m friends with a guy who, like me, is a year out of a long relationship. I dated a few people, but none of them worked out. He’s been dating someone now for a few months. We hung out this past weekend and before I knew it, we were locked in an amazing, epic makeout session. He wanted to do more, but felt guilty enough about the kissing so withheld. I can respect that even though his other relationship isn’t very well-established, he still honored some boundary lines (even if not all).My question is, does this kind of thing sometimes lead to more? If he was attracted to me, does that mean he may rethink his current relationship? What should I do?
Making out is so much fun, isn’t it? It’s even more fun when you actually like the person and it’s not some rando you picked up at a mall parking lot. Not that I would know anything about that… Moving on, from the fact that you’re wondering how this guy feels about you, I’m going to assume you do actually like him and want to persue something more than a random couch romp every few months.
Let’s start with the answer you want to hear first. There’s like a 5% chance that this is dude going to leave his current lady friend for you. I can already hear you saying, “so you’re saying there’s a chance?!” in your head. Yes, there’s a chance, but I think the more important question is whether you really want to be with someone who doesn’t find several months of dating serious enough to keep his mouth to himself. I guess there are a lot of factors that go into where these “several months” of dating lands a couple, but I think, in most cases, it at least puts them on the road to semi-serious town, if not already on the one-way highway to exclusivity.
I know it’s depressing, but remember, I’m not saying that you’re not awesome or hot or an excellent make-outer. It’s just that if he was going to be with you, he probably already would have done something about it. Maybe he didn’t know you were interested before so he never made a move… but now that he does know, he should be acting on it. Think of it like a missing persons crime drama — in those, if they don’t find the victim in the first 48 hours, the chance that they’re going to bring them back (and not in a body bag) goes down drastically. The more time passes — the longer he’s still with her — the less likely it is that he’s willing to do a relationship-180 to be with you.
Normally I don’t support having straight-forward conversations with the opposite sex, but in this case it might be your best route. If you really think there’s something special there, sit down with him and have a real discussion about what happened, what he’s thinking, what you’re thinking — you know, all that gross stuff. Make sure you don’t sit on the same couch though, because then you’ll probably just end up naked. Warning: this may also ruin your friendship as you know it, scare him away and ruin your chances at ever unawkwardly hanging out again. Awesome, I know. You’re welcome!
I’m one of those crazy people who believes that if a couple is meant to work out, they will. If you and this makeout bandit truly have undeniable chemistry, you’ll eventually end up giving it a real shot. But if you guys continue to hook up without him really being single, if you do eventually end up together, you’ll probably always find yourself wondering if he’s making out with someone else on the side. So is it really worth it? I think not. Talk to him. Figure out what’s going on. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll totally go to the mall parking lot with you to pick up dudes. I promise it’s not as bad as it sounds.
Last week, WWYD: So You Like Jerks?
About the column:
I, Maxie, am a 25-year-old lady living in Washington, DC, and I am here to give you some fabulous advice. Got a problem that you can’t post on your own blog? Send it to me. Boy in your life being weird? Roommate being super sketchy? Falling in love with your boss? Want to make out with your cat? Send in the details of your situation and I promise to do extensive google searching, if I don’t already know how to fix your problem… except for the cat thing. That’s just creepy. If google doesn’t know the answer, I’ll just make something up. Now, doesn’t that sound fun!? I give no guarantees on the validity of what I dole out, but I still STRONGLY encourage you to send any and all of your questions (or hopes and dreams, whatever) to firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment on this post with them!